Averett is a lyrical character with no author.

I went back to this first note after erasing/archiving everything in the diary. I do so every couple of years: it helps me to avoid clinging to the past.

Diaries have a significant place in my life as they give me a sense of consistency, turning memories into a single, structured flow. Each diary is basically a chapter with its own number, headline, goals, aesthetics and reasons for ending.

I'd like to start my life over, with a new diary. Once again. But now I have a good place to write: I've slightly customized the blog (both outwardly and under the hood).

Lately, I've spent a lot of time addressing health and financial issues, and, well, rebuilding the blog from scratch. I've also been getting rid of those fixated obsessive thoughts coming from OCD (meditation FTW!), along with recognizing my autistic personality and how to live with these debuffs. You could say I spent all of 2024 on absolutely autistic stuff like studying very specific areas of computer science I don't acutally need, or sorting everything because why not. It's been a tough and uneventful year.

But hey, none is wasted! A wealth of ideas have come to me. In this Thoughts section of the site, I'll write about observations, ideas, emotions, books (especially Russian literature), culture, philosophy, personal growth and more. I wish to cultivate feelings in myself. I wish to love people and make this world a better place. Probably the words are the best way I can do that.

Soon, hopefully, I'll be in another journey, now with some sort of opportunity to make money remotely. This is gonna be legendary.

Old world blues

That good old diary of the Siberian ascetic.

An apartment consisted of nothing but a kitchen. Small room. A twig with selectively withered grapes on a piece of paper. All the ugliest, with dots and cracks.

Novosibirsk is a city of dusty fences and Russian punk. Here, punks were doing all sorts of things, like drowning in rivers, hanging themselves, jumping off bridges. Our punks are the most special, I guess.

But I liked those places. Not with my heart, but... in some other way.

New beginnings are always so intriguing. Sometimes just one thought to ignite can completely change your life. I spend nights sleepless over books, in dim light, searching for that one thing that resonates at the moment, and writing long handwritten texts — because everything written by hand ends up looking very different. A couple of notes here, a couple of notes there — months can accumulate a huge collection of manuscripts, and sooner or later you find the need to analyze and publish it somewhere.

One cold evening, after exhausting lectures on calculus, I came home and suddenly started drawing a long, intricate line on the world map. I can't remember why, but a dream was born in my head. I started working on it actively, oblivious to everything else. Isolation is a gift.

"Two worlds"

Life sketches

I was reading about Tibetan culture one day and came across a phonogram of Nicholas Roerich.

I've always been fascinated by the adventurous spirit of the times before the internet, telephones, online translators and satellite navigation. Preparing for the road alone was an exciting endeavor.

I was eager to explore the world that way. Traveling is something a lot of people can do these days. Throwing away your phone, forgetting about news and social media, starting to actually think with your head is something only a few are capable of. Having a comfortable world is great, and I'd like to see humanity continue to move forward towards complexity and safety. Even with all the wars now, the standard of living is much better now than it used to be.

However, in all its comfort, the world is losing adventurers — those who are truly ready to give up everything for their mission: spiritual, secular, hedonistic — it doesn't matter. Such individuals have a role to play, they "shake up" those on the downside of prosperity. By simply showing an alternative, taking part in social processes, much more strongly than everyone used to believe.

These oddball loner wanderers have renounced the mundane and ordinary, devoting themselves to discoveries: new meanings, creativity, earth secrets, preaching, communion with God, or gods... In freedom they see an opportunity to be authentic, and in worldly disputes they often take a neutral side. Watching from the distance, they become true witnesses to the cycle of life, and only a few choose to step out of the shadows. While others fight for justice or personal profit, such individuals write chronicles. They are chronicles.

I'll be writing a lyrical diary for Averett, on the praise of freedom, on his overpowering implementation of passionarity.

There will be no editing here, just the flow of emotion in the moment, to preserve the long chain of life and wanderlust, to explore the self through travel. The spirit of time for posterity, and wisdom — for my future family. I have to put all my love into the blog. This little corner of the internet will hopefully become something more than my collection of notes.

Everything can be a challenge

Life without goals is easier, but with goals it's more fun. The truth lies in the middle.

I've created a bucket list so I can exercise my will and document certain events in a concise way. It will include anything that pops into my head. Not everything will necessarily be accomplished, but it will be a good reference point for those times when I lose myself in meaninglessness.

And hope you'll find something of value here.